Oh, good lord, who are you? And why are you wearing a pair of sunglasses on your shirt when you’ve already got some over your eyeballs?
“It”s called a e s t h e t i c, alright? It’s a statement. It’s here. It’s now. It’s new. It’s great. You should get sunglasses to go with your sunglasses too.”
Are you… like… okay?
“Of course I’m okay! I’m thriving. My name’s Simothy and I’ve been sent here to do stuff.”
Simothy. Like Timothy, but with Sim?
“Is this gonna be, like, a thing where you question everything about me? Because I’m not living for that.”
Alright, tell me what you are living for.
“I’m living for living, man. But mostly I’m living in this tent for now. Be right back, I need a nap.”
Now where are you going?
“Nap’s done. Gotta get some grub. What’s the matter, can’t keep up?”
This is kinda exhausting.
“Hey, I’m Simothy.”
“Nice to meet you, I am–“
“Unimportant. I gotta go into your house real quick. Investigating. Stuff.”
“Cool, things look good in here. Nice architecture, good lighting and whatnot. Anyway, you got some food, dude?”
“What have I told you about letting strangers into our house? Specifically ones with too many accessories.”
“I didn’t really let him, he just kind of–“
“Is this gonna take a while? I don’t really need a lot of dialogue cluttering up my story. Any food will do, I’m on the verge of starvation.”
“A pineapple drink?”
“We could give you a great big bag of nothing.”
“I guess this will do.”
“Next time you let some vagrant into this house, I will be using your head for juice instead. Understand?”
“Don’t look at me with your eyes full of judgement.”
Cat Painting: *meows sarcastically*
“Alright, I’m gonna leave you two here to discuss the problems I caused because I’m beat. Bye.”
“Ah, a fresh new morning. Time to greet the day and create success and… why are you staring at me like that?”
Because I still don’t know why you’re here!
“Oh, it should be obvious by now. Just read my sim file.”
Simothy Eaxis. A Leo. Loves electronica, pancakes, and lime green… Born Salesman, Charismatic, Insane, Irresistible, Mooch… Sponsored by… Oh, no. This isn’t what I think it is, is it?
“Yes. This is the Eaxis legacy. My legacy. I have been sent here by the Eaxian Gods to show you a good time and to celebrate my triumphs. I will create the GREATEST FRANCHISE OF ALL TIME.”
…You mean family line, right?
“Yes, that, or whatever. And I know exactly what you’re thinking: Your mind is blown. You’re full of excitement. You’re so ready for this. You want to keep reading. Just pay $19.99 and the next chapter is yours!”
I… I just… Ugh. Why? Why do I want this? I don’t need it! I don’t even think I like it. But… somehow… I am getting my debit card out of my wallet.
We’ll see what happens next.
Thanks for reading! <3