“OUCH, what the…?!”
Oh, hi! Long time no s–
“The middle of a hail storm. Really?!”
Hey, don’t be like that! I didn’t know it was going to hail an–
“Starla, we need to talk. Sit down.”
Uh, so… Hey, Peaches Honeyblossom. You look good! What’s up?
“It’s been 412 days.”
What? No way. You made that up. It hasn’t been 412 days since I last saw you.
“Yeah, so maybe I did make that up, but it doesn’t matter. It’s been a ridiculously long time since you saw the last version of me.
Version of you?
“Yeah, version. You do realize I’m a Genius, right? So I am fully aware that the me I am right now is not the me I was in your last update. I don’t think you’re fooling anyone at all. I know what I am. And they know what I am.”
Um… Alright, yeah, fine. I just downloaded you from Mediafire. But you don’t underst–
“Don’t understand?! Starla, I think I’ve been WAY more than understanding.”
Okay, let’s sit back down and talk with idle faces.
“First you let me die in a fire in front of my baby boy and you lose him. Do you even remember his name?”
I do, it was Jermajes–
“That was a rhetorical question, ok. THEN you bring me back from the dead and make this big deal out of it. I start over with new children and you lose THEM! And then you bring me here in a hail storm like nothing ever happened?! You’re actually… Okay, I’m not even sorry for saying this: you’re the worst simmer of all time.”
“Still not sorry. Nope. Worst.”
Yeah, well… Like only half of that was my fault.
“All of it was! And not only that, but it just took you half an hour to remember how to set this game up. You googled where to put your mods. Your mods! THAT’S HOW BAD YOU ARE.”
Hey, it’s been a while!
“Yeah, it has. That’s my point. I don’t wanna play your game anymore. I’m a person too, you know.”
I can’t believe I’m sitting here having a fake argument with myself.
Nothing, no, I totally get you. I’ve been… not the best–
Fine, yes, I’ve been the worst. But you don’t even know the half of it! Did you know that I had to contact WordPress IT because I’ve messed my blog up so badly they actually told me, “this should not be possible.”
“Literally no one is surprised.”
So, I just cou–
“No more excuses! Here’s what is going to happen: You’re going to move me into a gorgeous house filled with everything I will ever need. You’re going to turn my aging off. And you’re going to let me live my life away from you so that, you know, I can actually live it.”
And the Creeper Legacy? What about that?
“That’s your problem. I’ll wait here while you set things up for me.”
…Are you sure you want to do this?
“Absolutely – Oh, and I want one of those ice cream machine thingies too.”
To be continued…