Peaches Honeyblossom: Booooooooo, people like you more than my son and you suck, booooooo!
Harlow Winter Kate: I’m sorry that you’re so jealous of me, but I can’t help it that I’m so popular.
Last time, I don’t remember what happened. That was Monday, man, I don’t know. This time, maybe a lot of things will happen because I’m forcing myself to deal with the lag that Windows Live Writer gives when I upload more than 40 pictures.
The first thing that happens is this documented fail of mine. I kept getting the stupid PAT WANTS TO COME OUT AND PLAAAAY notifications and come on game I obviously didn’t want Pat around because I didn’t even rename him from Pat. He was just there to occupy Harlow’s childhood so no one had to deal with her. So I was like I’LL JUST TAKE HIM OUT AND DELETE HIM FOREVER USING THE TIPS FROM MY PRETTY READERS. But you know what that little shit did?
Pat: I’m here to love you five ever, Harlow.
Harlow Winter Kate: What have you done?
I know what you might be thinking. You might be thinking, oh, gurl, just ignore him or tell him to leave you alone and he’ll go away, it’ll all be okay!
Well, any other smart person might have done that, but not me. No, I just went for it. SURE, LET’S LET THE GROSS THING GROW UP, NO PROBLEM. Maybe I just like having things to complain about.
As you can see, everyone was just as thrilled as I was at the event.
Hamilton: SOME UNSEEN FORCE BE BLOCKIN’ THE DOOR, YO.
Harlow Winter Kate: I still don’t understand why you would let this happen.
But then she got a good look at him, and…
Harlow Winter Kate: Ooh, boy, I love the way your turquoise eyes bug out at me like that.
Meanwhile, Jermajesty has grown up with the Hot-Headed trait but that’s not going to stop him from enjoying his graduation.
Jermajesty: It’s the most wonderful time of the year, y’all.
What WILL stop him from enjoying his graduation is remembering his aunt is dead.
Jermajesty: WHY COULDN’T SHE JUST WAIT ONE MORE DAY SO THAT SHE COULD BE HERE FOR ME THAT SELFISH BITCH.
He didn’t even get to toss a diploma or dress in graduation robes. He just sobbed his way through the whole thing.
Jermajesty: I don’t even care, it’s not the same without her.
So happy graduation, Jermajesty. *waves flag*
He won Most Popular. He knows one person.
And look, here she is. Cecelia grew up the day after Jermajesty.
Cecelia: So is this the part where you spam me with romantic interactions and propose to get the next generation underway?
Jermajesty: *snorts* Marry my high school sweetheart the day after becoming a young adult? That’s too mainstream.
Jermajesty: But we can go woohoo in my fairy house like I’ve been wanting to since I grew up.
Harlow rolled the wish to play with potions and I think we all know where this is going.
Well, this isn’t what I meant but yeah this happened too.
Pat: Ooh, your hotness just became literal.
Harlow Winter Kate: My fingers look like delicious sausages.
How exactly do humans shrink down to get into the fairy house?
Cecelia: Blue skidoo, we can too!
Cecelia: Oh, Christian Grey, I’ve been a bad, BAD girl!
OUT. GET OUT.
Afterwards, Jermajesty takes Cecelia on a date because he’s completely backwards.
Jermajesty: This snow tastes like kisses from the moon.
Cecelia: Do you and the moon want to take this date instead?
The movie was good and they kissed goodbye and whatever yeah yeah.
BUT NOW TO THE IMPORTANT PART.
Here we see the super cool person to which I was referring to at the end of last chapter. IT’S MY SIMSELF TROLOLOL.
As random half naked townie creates a devastating snow angel in the background, Jermajesty tries to impress my simself with a charming introduction.
I guess it works idk.
Half Naked Townie: I cannot feel my back or appendages, are they still here?
Jermajesty: Are you an angel fallen from heaven?
Starla: Why yes, how did you know?
Jermajesty: And is that your angelic brother falling to join you?
Starla: It better not be. YOU STAY YOUR ASS UP THERE, THIS IS MY WORLD.
Jermajesty: *slits throat*
(this was the first thing I thought of when the red sparkles spurted out of nowhere, which means I have clearly been watching too much Supernatural)
Starla: *freakish disturbing noises* Hey baby wanna date me?
I’m making this a profile pic… somewhere. It is accurate.
Starla: Oh man I haven’t felt this high since the time I went to andiewinslife’s house in ‘04.
Starla: I CAN’T FEEL MY EYEBALLS MY INSIDES ARE MELTED WHAT’S HAPPENING.
MY SIMSELF IS EVIL SHE WILL NEVER LET YOU LIVE THIS DOWN, JERMAJESTY, SHE IS CAPABLE OF TERRIBLE THINGS YOU’LL BE LUCKY TO SURVIVE.
Starla: Hahaha! You sure did get me! You’re so cool. Thank you for that!
Jermajesty: EXTRA CRISPY BOOBS.
Back at home, it’s time for 7 to get old!
Harlow Winter Kate: I will forever remember you as you are now, daddy, so don’t worry about how gross you look when you’re wrinkled and grey.
7: Actually, I ain’t half bad, check me out.
Harlow Winter Kate: Your hair is a shiny beacon, I think it’s hypnotizing me into doing its bidding.
7’s Hair: Kill the spare.
7: Praise be unto me, let the fangirling commence.
The next day is Snowflake Day which means it’s time for another awkward family photo.
7: Ready to go, kids?!
Harlow Winter Kate: Dad please no.
Jermajesty: Wow, I did not ever want to know what that looked like.
But just as I’ve got 7 changed into real clothes and heading towards the greeting card photo tent, he gets a phone call from Autumn.
Autumn. She used to be your maid.
7: I don’t remember.
No one does.
7: Well sure, why the hell not? Not like I’m doing anything important!
7: Later, losers! Don’t h8 me cuz u ain’t me.
Jermajesty: Well there he goes. Should we still take the picture?
Harlow Winter Kate: I’d rather go home and be followed around by my imaginary boyfriend.
Jermajesty: That sounds healthy.
7: You should’ve reminded me you’re the one with the rack, I definitely remember you now.
Autumn: All those times you tried to throw small objects into my cleavage, how could you forget?
7: I’m really trying not to stare but it’s in my genetics. I come from a long line of inappropriate people.
Autumn: We can’t help who we are. I come from a long line of well endowed women. We just have to embrace it.
7: Oh I’d like to embrace it, that’s for sure.
7: Here are some white flowers to represent the purity of my thoughts about you.
And somehow they’re not on fire.
Back at home, Jermajesty has rolled the wish to send a love letter to Cecelia.
Jermajesty: Dearest Cecelia, my light, my muse, my flame. It has been two days since I have seen you and, according to the gossip I shared with my cousin, it is because you are completely broke and have had to find work as a criminal. Know that this does not change my feelings for you. There is always room in my
heart fairy house for you, and I have in fact rolled another wish for us there, so whenever you get the chance, please come over and help me fulfill it.
Jermajesty: And please hurry because Starla would like to lock in more wishes soon. Sincerely, your handsome lover and king, Jermajesty.
7 and Autumn’s date continues and they decide to see a movie.
7: I hope you don’t mind my driving, becoming old means you’re instantly the least cool person on the road.
7: Let’s see the one with the boobs. I mean the boob one. I mean this action thrillboob. I mean this boobie.
Autumn: Are you going to be okay?
Snowman: Bitches won’t sell me a ticket, THAT IS RACISM, MY FRIEND, AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT.
At home, this is happening repeatedly.
Pat: I’m too ashamed to even look at you.
Harlow Winter Kate: Maybe I’ll just stay singed, it’s easier than showering 17 times in one day.
And Hamilton grows up, look how big he is!
Hamilton: Back to being ignored now, I take it?
No, look you get another screenshot.
Hamilton: How gracious of you.
Autumn: That movie was great, 7. It’s getting late and I should probabl–
7: No. Food now.
Snowman: So I told that ticket seller, I said, you know what? Motherfucking winter is coming, bro, and I didn’t even care that Starla used that in another chapter, this time it counts. That guy will regret not letting me see Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2, I heard that movie was hilarious and for that he will pay!
Jane: I only asked for food recommendations…
Snowman: Oh, well I don’t know that either because this place won’t let me eat here. I’M TELLING YOU, I WILL GET REVENGE ON ALL WHO HAVE WRONGED ME. I’m so mad I could melt.
Autumn: I can’t believe the sun is rising! We’ve been on this date for nearly 12 hours. I should really head ho–
7: Hugs now.
7: I didn’t realize how much I missed having a companion. It’s been great having someone pretty to look at who isn’t related to me in some way.
Autumn: You sure know how to make a girl feel special.
I’m just a sucker for wishes.
7: Now, this was my late wife’s ring, but I don’t think she’ll mind me giving it to you. Actually she’ll probably mind a lot. She’ll probably haunt you forever while you’re wearing it.
7: Will you marry me, Autumn?
Autumn: After one 12 hour date? I MUST BE GOOD.
Autumn: Yes, 7, you naked man, I’ll marry you.
Autumn: I’m so thrilled I could vomit.
7: Please don’t, I’m in exact spewing distance.
7: Being old means being impatient, and I wasn’t even patient when I was young. I don’t have all the time in the world to wait, so let’s just get married now.
7: The Snowman could officiate for us!
Snowman: NOW someone wants to include me in their life. ‘Oh, the novelty of getting married in the winter by a Snowman! What a great story to tell people!’ I hate you all.
Snowman: That’ll be 500 bucks.
Autumn and 7: Yay happiness.
7: Are you ready to consummate our marriage?
Autumn: Oh yeah… I’m gonna rock your… wor…
7: Later then?
Next time: Is Autumn really in love with 7 or is she just a gold digger? Why is 7 doing what Jermajesty and/or Harlow should be doing? Will we ever have the next generation?