Peaches Honeyblossom: So let me get this straight. You dropped your cell phone on the beach and forgot to pick it up again?
Calli: That’s right, yeah.
Peaches Honeyblossom: No one stole it, or…?
Calli: Nope. Just dropped it.
Peaches Honeyblossom: Ugh, these assignments. Be back soon.
Peaches Honeyblossom: Here, cell phone, cell phone, cell phone!
Peaches Honeyblossom: Now if I were a cell phone, where would I be? Hang on… horsey senses tingling. There are horses nearby!
Peaches Honeyblossom: Jackpot! Look how beautiful they are. HI NEW BEST FRIENDS!
White Horse: Psst, Brownie, isn’t that…?
Brownie: Yeah it’s Peaches Honeyblossom. EVERY MAN FOR HIMSEEEEEELF!
Peaches Honeyblossom: Hey, come back…
Peaches Honeyblossom: YAY, at least I have two new best friends!
White Horse: Nope.
Grey Horse: Nuh uh, no way. Let’s get out of here.
Later that day.
Peaches Honeyblossom: You like me, don’t you, Vito?
Vito: When you’re not stalking me in park bathrooms, yes, Peaches, I really do.
Peaches Honeyblossom: You smell pretty despite just coming out of an unventilated park restroom on a hot summer day.
Vito: Thank you. Would you like to go out tonight?
Peaches Honeyblossom: Yes. Why do you think I’ve spent the day following you around?
So they went karaoking of course.
Peaches Honeyblossom: I brought my own mic, You never know what sort of deadly bacteria thrive on the mouthpieces of public karaoke machines.
She’s got a point.
Vito: Don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart. I just don’t think he’d understand.
Peaches Honeyblossom: How did he know Billy Ray Cyrus’s music makes me easy?
Out of all the things… o_O
Vito: And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart. He might blow up and kill this man!
Peaches Honeyblossom: Ooooooooooh wooooo!
Peaches Honeyblossom: Oh my gosh, Vito, forget taking it slow. Let’s just do this.
Nancy: Hmm, not sure if turned on… or disturbed.
Nancy: Turned on, for sure.
Peaches Honeyblossom: I have been waiting for something like this to happen for a very long time.
What? The photo booth? I know, right. I’m so glad they brought it to TS3.
Peaches Honeyblossom: Yes, novelty pictures are what I’m talking about.
Nothing says perfect first date quite like a woohoo in a public place. It takes me back to my years spent playing Nightlife.
Peaches Honeyblossom: Thank you for your hospitality, photo booth.
Photo Booth: Printing photo now…
Peaches Honeyblossom: Hmm, I don’t remember the camera flashing, but I suppose I was a little preoccupied…
Peaches Honeyblossom: Uh…
Peaches Honeyblossom: WHAT?!
What?! I don’t see anything!
Peaches Honeyblossom: Oh no, you can’t see it! No one. Can ever. See this. EVER.
But it’s the first ever photo booth picture! It’s a milestone for the legacy!
Peaches Honeyblossom: NO! *rip, rip, rip* There will be other milestones!
Man on photo booth: Was that really necessary? Come aaaahn, we’re just havin’ a good time here!
Seriously, Peaches. GOSH.
The next day, Vito stops by after he’s finished with work.
Vito: I have a good feeling about this relationship :)
Cheshy: As long as you feed us, you’re cool with me, man.
Well now that we have Cheshy’s approval, we’re golden.
Hermione: Don’t mind me. Just standing back here cooking dinner for the two of you despite my achy bones and important need to be skilling for work so I can achieve my LTW and die happily.
They’re not listening, ‘Mione.
Vito: It frightens me how much I care for you already.
Peaches Honeyblossom: Same here, but then again falling in love and making babies is my one true purpose at the moment so I’m sure the ticking clock has a lot to do with it.
Vito: Let’s just go back to kissing, shall we?
Hermione: Ugh, all the groping is throwing off my cooking. Would you two take a break back there?!
So they took it to the garage, where the smells of grease stains and laundry detergent whisked them away to paradise.
And when they thought Hermione had gone to bed, they moved to the kitchen. They were disappointed to find out that there’s not an option to woohoo on the counters.
Okay, maybe that was me.
Hermione: When I’m Leader of the Free World, I will grant equal rights to all flags.
Oh Hermione and her useless causes.
Later that night.
Vito: So get this. I’m in love with you.
Peaches Honeyblossom: Yeah?! Oh thank goodness you said it because I’m in love with you too!
Peaches Honeyblossom: Yeah! Move in with me!
Vito: Well okay then! Consider it done!
Peaches Honeyblossom: Oh Vito, I’m so happy!
Vito: Me too… Uh, but… I know my tight shirt makes me look pretty buff, but I’m actually basically frail and I can feel my bones being crushed.
Peaches Honeyblossom: Oh, sorry.
Vito: Easy mistake.
Peaches Honeyblossom: So what do you want to do now, roomie?
Well I know what I wanna do.
Makeover time! And poof, you have hair and dinosaur boxer briefs.
Vito: Wow, cool! Thanks! I like it here already!
So now that that’s somewhat underway, I’d like to focus on Hermione for a bit. As you can see by this helpful screenshot of wisdom and status that I have conjured for you, she is literally THISCLOSE to getting her final promotion.
The only problem is, she has almost two days off and she’s like really, really old and I’m terrified that she’s going to die before she can get it which would suck so bad and I would cry probably but most likely not because it’s just a game although I do get very attached to my sims and no one should judge me for it.
So I decided to have Hermione spend these days doing happy things in the hopes that death will decide not to come for her yet.
Did you know that petting a cat is relaxing and can add 5 years to your life? I heard it when I was 12 so I’m sure it’s scientific fact. So let’s do that then.
Spahhkles: Ooh! Me next, me next!
Also dancing. Dancing is good for you both mentally and physically, and sometimes even financially if you have a pole and some really high heels.
Hermione: Not helping.
Um, but obviously that’s for another time. The point is, Hermione spent her entire time off dancing and petting cats. Maybe I should’ve let her eat and sleep…
The next day, she goes to work, and…
DID YOU GET PROMOTED OR NOT?!
Hermione: Yes. I’ve finally done it.
YAY. WE ACCOMPLISHED A THING IN THIS LEGACY! LOOK AT US GO!
Hermione: *quietly rolls wish to retire*
FUCK YOU. YOU WILL WORK UNTIL YOU DIE I WORKED HARD FOR THIS.
As for the former Leader of the Free World…
LotFW: Have fun, sucka! I’m going to my new job.
I don’t even want to ask.
LotFW: Then don’t. You can’t handle it anyway.
As a reward for her hard work, Hermione gets a pizza party! Because back in the day, pizza parties were the GREATEST DAY OF ALL TIME. I think they still are. I dunno, I’m able to afford pizza whenever now so the joy is gone.
Getting old sucks ;_;
Hermione: Unless you’re me.
And so now is the part where I end this because I’m not feeling well (I‘m getting over strep throat) and I haven’t played past this part. What will happen next?! No one knows. Not even me!
Hermione: All I know is these two horndogs better pop out a grandkid fast. As Leader of the Free World, I demand it.
Peaches Honeyblossom: Consider it done.