Hermione: Sage, where on earth could you be?!
Hermione’s Phone: Hey, I didn’t ring!
Hermione: Sage? Is that you?
Caller: What’s your favorite scary movie?
Hermione: What do you want? Do you have Sage?! I swear if you do, I will ki–
Caller: If you ever want to see your precious Sage Moonblood again, you’ll come to 455 Sunnyside quicker than you can say Red Vines.
Background: No, you moron! You’re supposed to say, "Her skeleton will lie in the chamber forever."
Caller: Oh, I mean her skeleton will lie in the chamber forever.
Hermione: Red Vines? Chamber? What could that possibly mean? Pilot, will you watch Tabooger, please, I have some business to attend to.
Pilot Inspektor: Sure thing, funnel cake.
…Are you hiding under the bed, Pilot?
Pilot Inspektor: No… … …Yes. I thought I saw a raptor.
Almost one ‘Red Vines’ later.
Hermione: I thought this house was vacant. Why would someone rent a house just to kidnap a legacy heiress?
Mystery Man: We’ve been expecting you, Hermione Granger.
Hermione: Er. Okay.
Mystery Man: Follow me.
Hermione: I’m sorry, but… who are you?
Mystery Man: You mean you don’t recognize me? It’s me, Harry! Harry Potter! You know, one third of the trio, we kind of saved the wizarding world together? Our movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 came out in stores recently and everyone should buy it*?
*They don’t pay me for this, but they should, I think.
Hermione: I know who Harry Potter is, thank you, and you are definitely not him! You don’t even have the scar!
Mystery Man: But I am! I’ve seen you cry… and stuff.
Hermione: You are NOT Harry! Who are you?!
Mystery Man: Fine, okay, you got me. I’m not Harry Potter. Ugh, but I thought I portrayed him so well!
Hermione: Who ARE you then?
Mystery Man: I’m Darren Criss. I played Harry in a hilarious Harry Potter musical, the same one Starla’s been talking about for this entire generation because she’s obsessed in an unhealthy way. Man, I SUCK!
Hermione: Hey, Darren. I don’t think you suck.
Darren: You don’t?
Hermione: No. Not at all. You look a lot like Harry, you know.
Darren: I know. The resemblance is almost uncanny! I even have his mother’s eyes.
Hermione: That might be pushing it a little, but anyway, Darren…
Hermione: WHERE THE HELL IS MY WOMAN?! GIVE HER BACK NOW BEFORE I RIP THOSE PRETTY LITTLE EYES OF YOURS RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD!
Darren: Whoa, please don’t hurt me, Hermione! I didn’t take her! I mean, I might’ve helped a little because I’m supposed to be Harry and that’s what he does, but I wasn’t the one who de–
Hermione: JUST TELL ME WHERE SHE IS, I DON’T NEED A BACKSTORY RIGHT NOW!
Darren: Okay, okay! Just… Just go in the living room. Maybe you’ll find her there. I’ve gotta go to the Glee set and be Blaine now.
Ron: This house was perfect to keep a kidnapped legacy heiress in. And I think that whole "Chamber" thing was golden.
Hermione: …Ronald Weasley. I should’ve known.
Ron: I see you found your way.
Hermione: It wasn’t hard, you know, Ronald. There are these things called street signs that I followed, and numbers on houses I read.
Ron: Well aren’t you just a bloody genius?
Hermione: Well, yeah, it’s a trait of mine. Hang on a second, I’ll get back to you.
Hermione: Are you who I think you are?
Ron: Of course. Always choosing famous people over me.
Hermione: Oh hush, Ron.
Hermione: Lord Voldemort? Oh, this is bringing back so many memories! What are you doing here?!
Lord Voldemort: They have good snacks. Why? Do I know you?
Lord Voldemort: Look, I already know you’re gonna ask, so here’s my autograph.
Hermione: Yesss, I’ve always wanted one!
Lord Voldemort: To: The Mudblood. Love: The Artist Formerly Known as Lord Voldemort. That’s what I’m going by now. Soon, I’ll just change my name to a drawing of sorts. Perhaps the Dark Mark. It’s easier.
Hermione: You’re so much cooler than I thought you’d be.
Ron: Hey, ‘Mione, smile for a picture. I promised mum I’d get one for her.
Hermione: Hi Mrs. Weasley!
Ron: Okay. Think I got it.
Hermione: Great. Now…
Hermione: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING, TAKING MY WIFE?!
Ron: See, that’s what I don’t get. How is she your wife? I thought we–
Hermione: Shh! Spoilers!
Ron: Well, I don’t get it. And it makes me mad, so I stole her. And maybe even tortured her. You don’t know!
Hermione: Okay, Ron, instead of slapping you around like I should, I’m going to explain this very slowly and I want you to listen carefully. This is a game. This is not our world. It’s what you’d call an Alternate Universe.
Ron: Alternate Universe?
Hermione: Right. In an Alternate Universe, people like us can live lives completely different than our own actual lives, and nothing in our real lives will change. Got it?
Ron: I think so, yeah.
Hermione: So in this Alternate Universe, I am married to Sage Moonblood Creeper. She’s my wife and I’m carrying her baby and I need her back.
Ron: How did you two make a baby anyway? I mean, isn’t that biolo–
Hermione: Nevermind, Ron.
Ron: So, in MY Alternate Universe, I’m allowed to hook up with Fleur Delacour, right? It’s like living a fantasy? I can touch her skin and everything?
Hermione: Er, I suppose, but why would you want to? She’s too skinny and French and she’s got that awful b–
Ron: See, now you know how it feels, Hermione! I don’t wanna hear a bloody thing about me now, you did it too. You’re jealous and about to sic attack birds on me, I can tell. I know you.
Hermione: You don’t know anything about me!
Ron: I know you. AndFleur’shotsothere.
Hermione: Fine. You’re right. You can do whatever you want, I don’t care, just please let Sage go.
Ron: Right, well, I’ll go get her. And just so you know, I’m gonna be sticking around for a while. Keeping an eye on things and all that.
Hermione: Of course you are.
Ron: I like your hair, by the way.
Hermione: Stop stalling, Ronald, I’m getting impatient.
Ron: So erm… She’s here to get you.
Sage Moonblood: Oh, alright. Well, thank you for inviting me over to swim and dance, and I hope you two worked things out.
Ron: No problem. But uh… don’t tell Hermione this was a happy visit, okay? Make it seem like I was very intimidating and cruel. And tell her there was a big snake.
Sage Moonblood: Gotcha. I think you and I will be very good friends, Ron.
Ron: Yeah, maybe. We’ll see.
While all of that was going on.
Tabooger: IT’S MY BIRTHDAY WHERE’S MY CAAAAAAAAKE?
Babysitter: HOW DO YOU TURN THIS THING OFF? UGH, I will NEVER have kids! EVER!
Because of the needless drama from earlier, Sage only threw a small party for Tabooger’s birthday.
Sage Moonblood: I can’t believe I was kidnapped for a whole three hours. Shortest crisis ever.
Our new friend Voldemort showed up.
Lord Voldemort: This is almost better than killing mudbloods. Almost.
Funny story about Voldy. I added him to the town, and not even three minutes after I started playing again, I got notifications that Andie’s new simself (and the new Slayer, since Hermione is now an active sim) had KILLED HIM. Three minutes, dead Voldemort! I felt like I’d re-written history or something.
So I pretended it didn’t happen and added another one.
Tabooger: I’m a toddler now!
Sage Moonblood: Um, hun, I know I’ve been drinking as usual, but I’m pretty sure that’s not good for the baby.
Hermione: Yeah, I didn’t think this through. I’m stuck. Help me up, would you?
Tabooger is an insanely fast learner. The fastest I think I’ve ever had.
Hermione: See, honey, that triangle block fits in the triangular hole here.
Tabooger: Yeah, mommy, I got dat. Like hours ago. Wherf you been?
Tabooger: Seeeeee? I’ll show you veeeeery sloooooowly.
Hermione: Hm. She must take after me.
Hermione: Oh, great. Labor time. My favorite.
Tabooger: Cylinder block, circle hole. What the deuce, man? I need a challenge!
Being famous has its downfalls.
Hermione: *foot taps*
REAL HELPFUL, HERMIONE.
Sage: Um, a little help? Gah, my dad would be awesome at making these people go away.
Pilot Inspektor: I sense that my daughter thing needs me.
Pilot Inspektor: Oh, wait. Rain check?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PILOT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?
Pilot Inspektor: Don’t fret. This is only the third time you’ve watched me die.
*sniff, sniff* It’s true. While I was fiddling around with broken save files, I had to watch him die over and over again. It was torture! But now it’s for real!
Pilot Inspektor: I had a good run.
I was tempted to make Pilot immortal, but I decided against it because some sims just need to move on, I think :( He lived a good long life, though, dying for the final time at age 107. His lifetime wish was to become an astronaut. He had about one more day of work for that final promotion, but sadly he never got to go.
*bawls like a baby*
Sage Moonblood: Oh, daddy :'( I’ll miss you so much.
Larger Crowd: Hermione? Hermione? Hermione! Darren Criss? Blonde Girl. Hermione?! Sage!
Badger badger badger badger…
Rude. I don’t have a picture of the new baby.
…But here’s one of Tabooger!
Tabooger: I have a rocket ship. To get to Pigfarts. Hee.
Here’s one of her learning how to walk.
Tabooger: Pfft, easy peasy.
Sage Moonblood: Who’s the best kid ever? You are! Yes, you are!
Sage Moonblood: Watch this, babe. She’s already learned how to walk!
Hermione: Oh, that’s wonderful! Go Tabooger!
You wouldn’t think they have another kid in the room next door, would you?
Sage Moonblood: What kid? I know of no other kid.
When she’s not forgetting about her children (she really is a good mom), Sage likes to check in at The Grind and see how everything’s doing.
Sage Moonblood: Hey, Ethan, how are things doing here? Are we all stocked up and functioning?
Ethan: Oh yeah definitely, Mrs. Creeper. Everything’s good! I especially love the new colorful uniforms you got us. I was iffy about the face paint and blue eyeshadow at first, but it’s really helped me be myself, you know? I’ve really opened up to my inner Ethan in this.
Sage Moonblood: Um, Ethan, I don’t require you to where a uniform. Whoever told you that was just trying to make you look like an ass.
Ethan: Oh… Excuse me while I go curl up into the fetal position in the bathroom.
And of course Sage and Hermione still have it.
Sage Moonblood: Hey, hot stuff. Wanna do it?
Hermione: Forever and always :D
Hermione: That new painting I did looks perfect here in the dining room, doesn’t it? It’s a masterpiece.
Sage Moonblood: It’s like a naked Toad. It’s AWESOME in the dining room, baby.
Toad: Oh dear, you’ve exposed my goodies. You Creepers you, hee hee!
…And this is when my Windows Live Writer decided I was finished writing this chapter and published it. Thanks, WLW, I didn’t have a decent segue for the next part anyway XD
So until next time! Will we see the new baby? Am I cruel? And will there perhaps be more babies? Will there be… RANDOM DEATH? No, that only happens here.
Happy simming, everyone!