Hey, um, Pilot, you’ve got a little something in your beard there.
Bartholomew: THAT’S MINE OM NOM NOM.
So, I’d like to think that my Creepers grow up in a safe, stable environment.
But stuff like this always happens to people who come near the house.
Paperboy: I was only watching TV through the windows!
He’s dying from the mummy’s curse.
THE MUMMY’S CURSE.
AND THIS IS A NEW TOWN.
What in the world?
Paperboy: You feel good about yourself, Reaper? Feel like a big man, killing an innocent child off like this?
I don’t get it either. I’m just in this for the ladies.
Well. Last time: Our beloved Sage and Hermione got married, had woohoo in some old person’s bed with Tenisha watching, and found out that Hermione got pregnant in that old person’s bed. Oh, also Dweezil and Kristina had twins, Finn and Kurt.
Unfortunately, they grew up freckle-less and looking like Dweezil clones, which is just boring to me, so I kicked their little family out and we’ll be hearing from them at the many parties Sage throws.
Dweezil: MY FRIENDLY TRAIT ISN’T LETTING ME SAY WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY RIGHT NOW.
Kristina: Kicking us out in the middle of the night while I was trying to sleep?
Kristina: I am not coded to ever be mad.
So true. BAI GUYS!
I’m going to be completely honest here and let you know that there may be some ridiculous continuity errors and/or weird skipping around in this chapter. I moved the family to a fresh town and had issues, first with a few missing family members and a broken family tree (causing Reignbeau and Leroy to hook up), second with a missing Grim Reaper, and third with some issue with the schools (I’ve put two in town to prevent overcrowding). So these screenshots are from three different save files D:
Since Sage is THISCLOSE to gaining skill level 10 in Mixology and we’ve got $200,000 in family funds, I figured it’s about time she completes half of her lifetime wish and let her buy a bar. This is the pre-made dance club The Grind, re-vamped.
Sage Moonblood: Oh yeah, look at that sexy night club. Mama loves yoooou!
Naturally, she has a party here to celebrate.
Let’s play a game called Spot the Preggos. I can find 3, can you?!
Cassidy: AM I ONE?
Yes you are.
Everyone loves watching Sage and Hermione make out. It’s so exciting even Tu Morrow is in a good mood from it.
Party People: YEAH, GIRL ON GIRL ACTION!
Tu Morrow: That’s my sister! WOO!
Cassidy: That should’ve been MY wife!
Kristina: What a magical party. It’s impregnated me!
Hermione: You remind me of a girl I once knew named Luna.
After the party, Hermione helps Sage gain her final skill point.
Hermione: One drink won’t hurt the baby.
Sage Moonblood: This is your eighth, right?
Hermione: Ooh, Baby liked that one better than the last. *hic*
I think this is the first one to complete their LTW since… uh… Gerald? Fifi? I have no idea.
Nevermind that this is like the easiest LTW for a generation six legacy heiress to complete. Besides the Living in the Lap of Luxury one. This just further proves my naturally bad simming abilities.
Hermione: I’m so proud of you, honey.
Sage Moonblood: Thank you. I’m so happy!
Sage Moonblood: But not as happy as I’ll be when I meet Baby!
Hermione: We should probably pick a name for Baby. I was thinking maybe Hugo for a boy, or Rose for a girl?
Sage Moonblood: Nah, those names are LAME*. What about Tabooger?
Sage Moonblood: Yeah, Tabooger.
*I do not think those names are lame :P
Hermione: You’re serious? That sounds like a troll’s name.
Sage Moonblood: No way! It’s the most badass name in the universe, and our kid will have it because it’ll be the most badass kid in the universe.
Hermione: Who would want to give their child a name like Tabooger?
Sage Moonblood: Have you met my family? Perhaps you know my father, Pilot Inspektor, or my sister Moxie CrimeFighter, or my great-grandmother, Fifi Trixibelle?
Hermione: Fine, you win, I see your point. Let’s go to bed.
Sage Moonblood: I always win :D
I needed a segue, so… here you go.
(Bonus points for knowing where that’s from.)
Hermione: Good morning, love.
Sage Moonblood: Morning! I’m making you and Tabooger some waffles.
Sage Moonblood: I thought you liked waffles!
Hermione: No… Sage… TABOOOOOOOOOOOOGER!
Sage Moonblood: Oh…
Sage Moonblood: I burned these anyway.
Hermione: Waffles sounded really good. I’m starving.
Sage Moonblood: I’m terrified.
Hermione: Don’t worry, babe. We can do this.
Awwwwwwww, they’re holding hands. Almost. I can wish.
Sage Moonblood: Aah, this is the greatest day!
Hermione: It is, isn’t it? And we get to take a limo home because we’re celebrities.
Sage Moonblood: It just gets better and better!
Hermione: You could’ve sat next to me, you know.
Sage Moonblood: No way, look at all this room we have! And these seats are like CLOUDS. CLOUDS, Hermione.
Tabooger was named after TV personality Dan Cortese’s son. Dan Cortese hosted a TV show called ‘My Dad is Better Than Your Dad’, was on Melrose Place for a while, and appeared in a Seinfeld episode. So really, naming his kid Tabooger is the only reason people still know who he is (ooh, buuurn). The name Tabooger isn’t really gender specific, in my opinion. I don’t know if it’s even species specific.
OUR Tabooger was born to hate the outdoors and fall over stuff. She’s already badass.
A fresh pizza and mixed drinks can only mean one thing: A party! To celebrate the birth of Sage and Hermione’s first daughter.
Hermione: Mmm, smells so goooooooood.
Sage Moonblood: Hey, guess what. I’m making a new drink called The Pilot Inspektor!
Pilot Inspektor: Hello, Cassidy. Although I don’t know you very well, I would like for you to be the first to try my beverage.
Dweezil: I can’t see through my douhebag hair.
Cassidy: Is this a trap? I feel like this is a trap.
Pilot Inspektor: Just drink. Driiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink.
Cassidy: Sure, why not.
Cassidy: Ooh, mmm, it’s like liquid awesome!
Pilot Inspektor: With fried gnomes and jungle lions!
Pilot Inspektor: And now we dance.
Pilot Inspektor: Do you feel that? It’s called attraction. You are attracted to me because you drank my manly juices.
That sounds wrong on many different levels.
Pilot Inspektor: Yep. She wants me. I’ve still got it at age 105.
Pilot/Cassidy shippers anyone? Anyone?
The next day, Sage and Hermione leave Tabooger with Pilot so they can have a date at Fiji.
Pilot Inspektor: Who loves his little Booger? Grandpa does, yes he does! I love all my boogers!
Sage Moonblood: Wow, it’s completely empty. Not even a mixologist on duty! I should buy this place too and get it rockin’.
Hermione: Maybe. But you know what’s great about it being empty?
Sage Moonblood: What’s that?
Hermione: We can get away with whatever we want.
Sage Moonblood: Ooh, Hermione. You never stop surprising me with your brilliant bad girl side.
Fiji has an amazing view from the hot tub.
Sage and Hermione wouldn’t know XD
Hermione: We made hearts LOL.
Sage Moonblood: Can we look at our feet now?
Hermione: Of course.
They head home after their date and Sage autonomously snuggles Tabooger before heading to work.
She moonlights at The Grind every now and then. Doesn’t her hair look friggin’ awesome in the light?
Sage Moonblood: Unfortunately, I will not be auditioning to be the next lead singer of Paramore.
Hayley Williams: Good. Back off.
The Grind gets tons of customers, mostly Creeper relatives because they’re taking over town. I’m thinking about downsizing the amount of relatives I take with me when I move them.
Galen: But then I won’t be able to stare longingly at my second cousin or somethin’.
There are a lot of non-related sims though too.
Guy: It’s too bad you’re a lesbian ’cause DAYUM GURL YOU FINE.
They’re still just as creepy.
Also, people bring their toddlers in so they can drink without worrying about having to pay a babysitter.
I should add a play area for convenience. A lot of bars would probably get more business if they all had play areas, you know. Business idea! I HAD IT FIRST, DON’T STEAL IT*.
*I do not actually think this is a good idea.
I love seeing a busy bar. I think Sage has done well.
Sage Moonblood: Drinks on the house!
Pregnant Starla: Count me in!
I bet Starla would use the play area for her kids.
Okay, so this excites me! It may not excite you, though.
This is Kia Staples-Creeper. She’s a descendant of Rumer.
She has the lips and mouth of Agnes! Agnes lives in Kia!
Kia: You’re a freak.
I forgive you because you’re adorable.
Back at home.
Hermione: Ooh, pregnant again.
Pilot Inspektor: Did you drink my drink? That could’ve done it.
Hermione: I can’t wait to tell Sage the good news!
The next day Hermione wakes up with no one beside her.
Sage Moonblood never came home.
Hermione: Something’s not right.
To be continued…