So you know when you haven’t seen a friend in a long time for no reason in particular, and you run into them and there’s the whole awkward issue of what to talk about? I’ve got that right now. Hi… long time no see… Yeah, been doing stuff… *awkward lull*
That’s why I’m just going to jump right in :P
I finally remembered what I named our Magical Gnome of Invention, so I’ll just start this chapter off with his re-introduction. Meet Edison, everyone! Named after the famous American inventor, Thomas Edison. I’m sure Mr. Edison would be pleased to know he’s being honored in this way and stuff. Yeah.
Edison: I will get you, pretty purple butterflies. Mark my wooooords.
Pilot Inspektor: There you go again, making inanimate objects talk. You should get your head examined.
Pilot Inspektor: But not by pickle eating penguinbirds. They’re SCAAAAARY!
Technically Edison isn’t inanimate anyway, so there. Nuh.
Aw, and in case you’d forgotten in the million years since the last update, Hector Unit is back at it.
Hector: I missed your squishy face.
Moon Unit: Ditto. Make up woohoo yet?
Hector: Not yet. Let me just stare upon your beauty for a moment.
Moon Unit: …Okay, that’s enough.
*obnoxious make out sounds of reconciliation*
Audio Science: Okay, brothers! Remember, we are here to pick up chicks. They’ll be frightened away if we stay in a pack like this, so we’ll have to split up. Rufus, I think you’ll have more luck by getting as far away from me as possible.
Sinbad Rotter: Hey, can I join?! I like chicks too!
Audio Science: No. Now where is Pilot?
Rufus Tiger: He’s over there swinging, bro.
Audio Science: Well played, Pilot. Well played. Chicks dig swinging. We should all be more like Pilot.
Bronx Mowgli: Does that mean we have to speak Dumbass?
Rufus Tiger: I don’t want to speak Dumbass. And I don’t think this is working. There are no chicks here.
Audio Science: Sure there are. Why, look over there!
Bronx Mowgli: Okay, one: she looks like she can kick all of our asses, and two: I’d rather not go to jail for hitting on an infant.
Girl: I bite, rawr.
Audio Science: Okay, fine, there are no females. Mission failed. Let’s go home, boys.
Moon Unit: Mission succeeded. Ah, I feel SO much better now.
Hector: I hope you remember that good feeling when your stomach starts growing.
Moon Unit: What?
Hector: I said… um… you are really really mind blowing.
Moon Unit: Oh, okay. I know, huh? Let’s go again!
Moon Unit: Okay, while we’re both in a good mood, I want to try something. So, the finger on the left is me, and the one on the right is you.
Moon Unit: I’m thinking of a number between one and ten. What should our fingers do?
Hector: Uh… I’m not following you. You’re talking like Pilot.
Moon Unit: You’re right, this is dumb. Let me get to the point.
Moon Unit: Hector, I know this is what you want. I’ve thought about it, and I would like to marry you.
Hector: I… Moon…?
Moon Unit: So the answer is YES! Here’s the ring you bought me. I’ll just put it on now.
Hector: *muffled things*
Moon Unit: I can’t hear you, dear. Move your hands.
Hector: I… don’t want to get married.
Moon Unit: …Wut?
Hector: We don’t have to, Moon. I know it’s not what you want.
Moon Unit: *inner seething and implosion*
Moon Unit: …Fine.
Hector: Um, are you okay?
Moon Unit: I’m fine.
Hector: You sure you’re–
Moon Unit: I’m great. Would you go fix the dishwasher, please?
Hector: I don’t have any handiness points, though. What about Rod?
Moon Unit: Go fix the dishwasher. I… believe in you.
Rufus Tiger: Dad, do you know what you’re doing?
Hector: Not a clue.
Rufus Tiger: You might want to be careful.
Hector: Psh, it’s not like anyone’s ever died while fixing a stupid dishwasher.
Well, not Hector, anyway. He fixed it with no problems.
Moon Unit (in background): Damnit! Washer’s broken, try the washer!
Birthday party time!
Audio Science: Do I smell… a female?
Moon Unit: Do I smell… a child?
I don’t like late children, but I had to. HAD to. And of course I was dumb and forgot about the whole woohoo in the time machine thing which a couple of you lovely readers told me about, so normal baby it is!
Audio Science: Oh my… girls… everywhere. THANK YOU, MOM!
Moon Unit: Yeah, I’m such a good mother. Happy birthday, son.
Apparently Moon’s the only one who knows ANY of the females in Twinbrook. I couldn’t find them anywhere.
Audio Science: Look at all of them, here for me. Well, and Pilot I guess, but mostly me because I speak coherently.
Girl in Pink Shirt: I’M IN A LEGACY HOUSE WITH CAKE! DREAMS DO COME TRUE!
Moon Unit: Calm down, child.
Audio Science: The combined scents of all these females is intoxicating.
Yeah, nothing like a mixture of Britney Spears’s Curious and Clinique Happy to get you drunk and stupid to the point of falling over dead.
Count Von Creeper? You know, the simpires don’t come out for a few more months. AND WHERE’D YOUR HAIR GO?
Roderick: That’s embarrassing.
Heeeey, it’s Diva Muffin’s daughter, Audrey. Does anyone care? Anyone?
She almost looks like a clone of her mama. Go have babies with someone interesting.
And speaking of Diva Muffin. Um, so… her adopted kid Brant and Rumer’s daughter Andrea got married… which means they’re cousins and lovers. I know it’s not blood, but that’s… ew.
Pilot Inspektor: AAAAACHOOOOOO!
You showed those candles.
Pilot Inspektor: I wish for a tissue.
Pilot Inspektor: I think a song should be sung about how handsome I am now.
I… Well, I agree.
Mr. Pilot gains the Absent-Minded trait, making him a grumpy, insane, absent-minded but handy slob. He also acquires the LTW of becoming an Astronaut. SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
Audio Science had a makeover, bringing him to awesomely attractive status as well.
Audio Science: I’m a running Gap commercial!
Audio runs. Everywhere. He’s done it since he was a child. I thought he’d grow out of it, but he hasn’t. I know there’s a hack to end that, but I think it’s kind of cute. Oh, and his final trait is Perfectionist, so now he’s a grumpy, clumsy, genius perfectionist workaholic. AKA The Epic Nerd.
Moon Unit: Roderick, you’ve barely made the last two updates. I think it’s time you spread your rusted metal wings and moved out.
Roderick: But I love it here. I love you all. I am full of love and rainbows. And puppies.
Moon Unit: Yeah, see, I wasn’t really giving you a choice.
Roderick: So I… have to go out into the real world… where I am shunned for my differences and people will kick me?
Moon Unit: Exactly. I’m so glad we’re on the same page. Bye, ilu! And don’t forget your Floor Hygienator. That thing’s worthless.
And so off Roderick goes, because I really needed the room and omg he wouldn’t die. If I had been playing for points, I might’ve kept him around. I’ll miss him, really, but maybe he’ll settle down and adopt some children of his own or something.
Roderick: No thanks, I’ve raised four boys already. No more for me.
He looks happy :)
Roderick: My mouth was made to look that way permanently.
SHUT UP, YOU ARE HAPPY.
Audio Science: Do you think I’d make a good heir, mom?
Moon Unit: Hell no, you’re boring.
Audio Science: That wasn’t very nice.
Moon Unit: Well, you do have the ginger hair, which some people like…
Moon Unit: …You’re also really hot. Maybe even hotter than your dad.
Audio Science: Mom, you’re being borderline illegal!
Moon Unit: Don’t judge me. I gave birth to you and fed you… like once.
Audio Science: Fine, I will allow it. I’ll probably be spending my life sexually frustrated anyway.
Pilot Inspektor: H8 U MOMMA.
Audio Science: Oh, hey, look at that thing over there on the other side of the house where there is no conflict.
Moon Unit: Dude, what did I do?
Pilot Inspektor: Oh you know what you did, you floozy. How dare you have another baby!
Hector: Hey, I think I see it too… Let me go with you, Audio.
Pilot Inspektor: You did this too, you not-keeping-it-in-your-pantser. H8!
Pilot Inspektor: Now who the eff ate my pancakes?
Moon Unit: Um, you did, dea–
Pilot Inspektor: SILENCE! You are disappoint.
Moon Unit: Pretty sure Pilot just scared the baby out of me.
Hector: Did he? Ah. Well. Hospital?
Moon Unit: Yup. Let’s get this crap over with.
While the ‘rents are gone, the boys get bored and decide to age up.
Audio Science: …Yep.
Rufus Tiger: Yup.
Bronx Mowgli: Mmmhmm.
Bronx Mowgli: Elvis is alive and well, bb.
Jeeze. Bronx rolls Mooch, making him a grumpy, easily impressed, mooching technophobe with a good sense of humor. I actually kind of like that trait combination. He wants to be CEO of a Mega-Corporation.
Rufus Tiger: I guess the others don’t care about my birthday. That’s okay, though. You care, right, Bronx?
Bronx Mowgli: About as much as I care about the television.
As Rufus Tiger ages up, the parents return home… looking nothing like happy new parents.
Moon Unit: That’s because we aren’t happy new parents. We’ve just given birth to another accident.
Sorry, he was totally making a zoinks face :P
Rufus Tiger: I have officially become Harry Potter.
Okay, maybe kind of. Our lovely, underrated Rufus Tiger rolled Over-Emotional, making him a light sleeping, over-emotional and eccentric couch potato… who happens to also be a workaholic. Sure, why not?
Moon Unit: While we’re here, let’s go ahead and toddlerfy this baby. Wait, what was her name again?
Oh man, I forgot to introduce the new kid XD That’s kind of funny.
Baby: No it’s not.
Okay, it’s not. Alright well this is Bluebell Madonna! She was named after former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell’s daughter. Omg I loooved the Spice Girls when I was about 10 or 11. My favorite was Baby Spice and my second favorite was Posh. I even tried dressing like them and stuff. And I can still recite the entire Spice World movie, I watched it so friggin’ much. Was that too much embarrassing information? I think so.
I figured, you know, the Spice Girls (especially Geri) were all about girl power, and this is the only girl this generation, so it fits! So far she’s a good light sleeper.
Aaaand she’s adorable. I know I say that about all of my toddlers, but she really is the cuteness. She has the Agnes eyes too, yay.
So I’m going to leave this completely up to you guys: Would you like to vote for an heir(ess) NOW, even though you don’t know how Bluebell will turn out, or would you prefer to wait until she collects a few more traits before the vote? Comment and let me know! A vote about voting, let’s do it.
Pilot Inspektor: As if the choice is hard, right, readers? I’m sexier than a shark snorting yogurt.