Biggie: Starla’s really slacking with the updates, man! We need to do something about that, it’s getting out of hand!
Smallz: But we are mere pyramids! What can we possibly do besides sit here looking aged and pyramid-like?
Biggie: We will do as the Egyptians did, and look to the sky for answers! Peer to the heavens with me now, Smallz! Peeeeeer!
Smallz: Er… okay!
Sad that this is the only inspiration I could find to open with, lol. Anyway, while they do that, let’s get on with a heaping plate of Egyptian update, shall we? This place is gorgeous.
Since Diva Muffin and Moon Unit are French and Chinese, respectively, I thought Egypt was the best choice for the trip. We’re a multi-cultural bunch.
Diva Muffin: I don’t know about you, sis, but I have a good feeling about this. It’s beautiful, I look hot, and my Hopeless Romantic senses are tingling!
Moon Unit: Yeah, but aren’t you concerned about the sand mites? Isn’t your Neurot-o-meter going haywire right now? Can’t you just feel them burrowing into your skin as we speak? Gasp, oh my gawd, WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR FOREHEAD?
Diva Muffin: Just because you can kill people on a whim, Moon, doesn’t mean you have to be so cruel. Hmph. I’ll be back.
While Diva Muffin sets off to find a hazmat suit (preferably one to accentuate her curves in hot pink), Moon Unit accidentally stumbles upon an adventure.
Moon Unit: …When did this get here?
At the base of the almighty Sphinx, there’s a wall-which-can’t-possibly-be-a-secret-door.
Moon Unit: For a good time, call 1-888-PHARAOH. Gotta love historical graffiti. I wonder what’ll happen if I push…
Moon Unit: Yeah, no one saw that coming, did they?
I’ve been to Egypt once in another game, but I never got around to exploring much, so I’m pretty excited. I just don’t think three days is enough time to enjoy a proper vacation, but I’m much too bad of a simmer to be able to earn more points and junk, so this’ll have to do for now.
Moon Unit: Hmm… to go into a burning room, or not to go into a burning room? Brave trait says GO, GO, GO!
Moon Unit: Ah, my hair is threatening to glitch up. I need to put this fire out fast!
Diva Muffin: There you are! So, this guy totally wants me and he asked if I’d retrieve some papers in some tomb for him. You wanna help?
Moon Unit: Sorry, sis, but my hair is in full-on glitchy fire mode and I’m loving it. I’ll help you out if you help me out first.
Diva Muffin: Okay, but we have to hurry before story progression gets him a girlfriend.
Moon Unit: Deal.
Moon Unit: I’m glad I packed my swimsuit. You never know when you might get the chance to take a dip in a burning tomb of doom.
Diva Muffin: Ugh, I don’t even want to know what sort of amoebas are crawling on me right now. The pH of this water’s probably never been tested.
Moon Unit: Come on, Diva, you’re slacking!
Diva Muffin: Sorry, I was a little distracted by the damn yellow arrow that wouldn’t get out of the shot.
Wtf, it wouldn’t go away no matter what I did.
Diva Muffin: By the way, does this fire make my butt look big?
Diva Muffin: SHINYMINE!
Statue: Well I ain’t got arms to take it, now do I?
Diva Muffin: This hole is really deep…
Moon Unit: Pahaha, just imagine all the filth you’re digging into.
Diva Muffin: Filth such as this GLOWING BALL OF SHINY, PERHAPS?
Moon Unit: You suck. My turn!
Diva Muffin: I kind of want to nom this!
Moon Unit: Gah, there’s nothing in here but a stupid switch!
Diva Muffin: Why would they wear birds on their heads? Who do they think they are, Lady Gaga?
Diva Muffin: Oh, things are much brighter now that I’m not in aviators!
Yes, she rolled Genius, I promise.
Diva Muffin: ‘The violet path is the chosen path when air turns to water.’ Huh? But the violet generation is over, didn’t they get the memo? ‘Do not stray into pools of darkness.’ Ooh, ominous!
Diva Muffin: Gasp! This room is filled with pools of darkness!
Moon Unit: Very observant of you, Diva.
Diva Muffin: Ha, this pool is violet. I did not fall for the trickery!
She really does look rather pleased with herself, doesn’t she?
Moon Unit: She’s been down there for a while…
Aww, are you worried about your sister? Does that mean you caaare?
Moon Unit: I’m not ready for her to die yet. I need the competition for the heir poll.
Uh huh. You love her, really.
Diva Muffin: There was… something… gelatinous… Must… shower… quickly.
Moon Unit: All this not swimming in gelatinous stuff sure makes me thirsty!
Moon Unit: Bwahaha! Nothing like ending the day hacking the crap out of stuff!
It’s comforting to know she wants to be a surgeon.
Diva Muffin: I don’t think it’s healthy to be inhaling this stuff… Breaking down in 5… 4…
Diva Muffin: WAH, I can’t do this anymore! Get the camera away from me, I need space and sanitization STAT!
So then it’s off to bed after the first day in Egypt. We got next to nothing done, in true Creeper fashion. Diva Muffin, fully sanitized and tranquilized, doesn’t seem to notice that Clone Daddy is camping out next to her.
Moon Unit notices him the next day, however, and doesn’t seem too happy to see him.
Moon Unit: YOU! You leave my sister alone, you freak!
Clone Daddy: I-I have no idea what you’re talking about! I’ve never even met your sister!
Moon Unit: Of course you haven’t, deadbeat! Now go away! You’re good at that!
Clone Daddy: You are weird, lady!
Diva Muffin’s still pretty oblivious to the whole thing.
Diva Muffin: Oh, today seems spectacularly romantical! I wonder if my one true love is standing right in front of me…
Moon Unit: SEETHE.
Clone Daddy: GULP.
Moon mounts her Vespa and speeds angrily through the roads of Egypt, glaring at things and being generally unhappy. I find this adorable! Her angry face is awesome.
Moon Unit: I hate you.
Diva Muffin concentrates on her desperate search for romance.
Diva Muffin: Kissy kiss! …What’s your name again?
Lady: Freaking legacy sims always glomming onto my men.
Diva Muffin: How dare you have a trait which is incompatible with mine, thus making you unavailable for my romantic inclinations!
Guy: I just wanted to sell you some stuff?
A pressing matter suddenly came up, which was that Moon Unit suddenly had a very strong desire for a snake charming basket. So we entered the general store just in time to see this very special, private moment. Between friends? Lovers? Mother and son? I sure hope not.
These two were so entranced by each other that they barely took notice of the customer waiting patiently behind the counter.
Moon Unit: Ahem!
Old Lady: *glare*
Moon Unit: If you’re done being secret lovers and junk, I’d like some snake charming equipment, please.
Old Lady: She’s probably just bitter because her only love is her teddy bear.
Moon Unit: You’d better watch it, lady. I’ve done some bad things to some good sims. Imagine what I would do to the bad ones. Yeah, that’s right, keep walking.
Moon Unit: Sorry, heh heh. Awkward, right?
Secret Lover: Just a bit.
While Moon was scaring off old ladies, Diva Muffin was on the search for the papers for Helmi, the man who’d wanted them, in the hopes of becoming his bride. Let’s she how she’s faring.
Diva Muffin: OH MY GOD, I NEED MOON! CAN’T BREATHE, I THINK I’M DYING!
Well now. It could be worse, right? There could be creepy mummies limping after you.
Diva Muffin: Oh no, don’t let them get me, please! What do I do now?
Through the door!
Diva Muffin: Ooh, preeeetty!
When in doubt, distract your sims with new scenery.
Diva Muffin: This isn’t so bad. I think I can handle it now :)
Diva Muffin: Am I pushing a pull door or something? This is hard!
She finds the papers and runs out of the tomb behind the scenes because I missed the screenshots, yay!
Diva Muffin: Okay, you’ve got your papers. How does a Saturday afternoon wedding sound?
Helmi: Ah, no. I just really didn’t feel like going to get them myself. Thanks, though.
Diva Muffin: Jerk! You broke my heart!
Helmi: Sigh, they always want a piece of the Helmi. There’s just not enough of me to go around.
Moon Unit feels like roasting things, so I let her get to it.
Moon Unit: Roasted things are the breakfast of champions.
Moon Unit: Yes, cook my pretties. Become delicious and satisfying!
This makes me want a fire pit of my own.
Moon Unit: Mmm, you taste like the flesh of my enemies!
She looks really pretty in this picture, I think. Nevermind that she’s acting psychotic.
Moon Unit: I have a feeling Diva’s in trouble. Might want to look into that…
Diva Muffin: AH JUST CUT IT OFF, CUT IT OFF, I DON’T NEED IT!
I can’t turn my back on you, can I?!
Moon Unit: …Halp?
How did you…?! What the heck is going on?!
Moon Unit: You keep missing screenshots!
Diva Muffin: Nice day for a swim, I think… There aren’t any other reasons why someone would need this large pool of water.
Moon Unit: I need this large pool of water, Diva, I’m on fire!
Diva Muffin: But I’m skilling!
Moon Unit: Come on, hurry, there’s no ‘Stop, Drop, and Roll’ option!
Diva Muffin: Just hang on, it’s not easy to climb out of these things, you know!
Moon Unit: I think you’re a little too late.
So after all of that, they don’t die, which is good. They also find a room full of treasure, which is good too. We like treasure.
Diva Muffin: Oh, gross, Moon, you couldn’t wait to let that out until we had circulating air?!
Moon Unit: I didn’t…
Moon Unit: Ohai… You attack me now?
Mummy: Nice butt. That I just KICKED.
Moon Unit: Ugh, so rude. I think I…
Diva Muffin: Ahaha, Moon Unit, it’s not night night time, silly! You’re such a jokester.
Mummy: Genius trait where?
I’m always wondering.
With a battered ego and a clueless sister, Moon Unit decides it’s time to return to the comforts of the legacy house where she’ll be able to sleep in her nice warm bed and take a nice long bath…
Moon Unit: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOUSE?!
Diva Muffin: Did someone clean up?
Ha… yeah, about that. I, um, decided to renovate, then about ten minutes later I got tired of renovating, so now your house looks abandoned. Whoops. But that’s okay, because it’s time for the end of the chapter, which will bring in the beginning of the reign of the fourth generation heiress!
Moon Unit: But the house… the soft bed… the TV…
It will all be back before you know it, I promise. For now, it’s time for the stats.
Diva Muffin Creeper is an adventurous and neurotic artist who is apparently genius enough to be hopelessly “romantical”. Already an author of a couple of well-known novels, she would like to become an Illustrious Author. There are no specified mates for her future (unless you count Clone Daddy, in which case I’d have to shudder), so her plans are wide open.
Moon Unit Creeper brings charisma and bravery to the couch whenever there’s good TV around. She dislikes children, which might be due to her short temper, but her angry faces are cool. As she’s
caused witnessed an alarming amount of deaths in her life, the desire to be a world renowned surgeon is dear to her heart. We haven’t done much mate searching, so she’s widely available as well (call for an appointment).
Mummy: And so now, dear readers, you must choose. Choose wisely, or I might just come and get you! Now click this link!
Thank you so much for reading!