O hai! It’s been a while! The heir poll’s been closed for over a week now, but I haven’t had one minute to spare because my husband’s been home sick and we’ve had lots of family time. Yayz. But you don’t care about that, do you? Nah, you just want to see what kind of nonsense I’ve come up with this time. Well, thank you for coming, and here you go! Disclaimer: this chapter will be filled with a LOT of white and purple. I apologize for the inconvenience, and hope that your retinas don’t burst into flames.
This guy here is the non-winner. That’s right, the next generation will be brought in by Apple! I actually messed up and told you that Moses had the LTW to befriend 20 sims. WRONG. He actually wants to become a Creature-Robot Cross Breeder.
"Oh, first she calls me a non-winner, and now my creator can’t even remember my only dream in life. I am LOVING myself."
At least I didn’t call you a loser. I’m sorry. Just work on your gardening skill, it’ll help you reach your goal.
"That you FORGOT."
Aw, come on.
Apple gets to work on her logic skill for the Law Enforcement career, and also gets started on renovating the house. She gets promoted FAST, jeeze. Got one on her first day, then another on her second.
"That’s what you call the Work Hard work tone. I automatically use it because I am super great. By the way, good game, Apple. Why, thank you, Apple, you too. Thank you! You’re welcome! By the way, you are gorgeous. Oh, so are you, I love your hair! Thank you! You’re welcome, thank you! You’re welcome!"
O… kay then.
"I swear, Moses and his bubble baths! You know what? I’m heiress! I can hire a maid if I so choose. And that’s exactly what I’ll do right now."
Scrubbing Bubbles: We clean your scum and then die. What kind of life is that?!
Thanks to the suggestion from Rad (author of The Kyoti Legacy and Dayes of our Lives), I send Moses out to the park to play guitar for the masses and make friends. I’d forgotten that he earned himself two guitar skill points from the xylophone when he was a toddler, so that’s doubly awesome. In case you’re wondering what he plays, it’s covers of Elton John songs. Because I said so.
So goodbye yellow brick road,
where the dogs of society howl.
You can’t plant me in your penthouse!
I’m goin’ back to my plough.
Back to the howlin’ old owl in the woods.
huntin’ the hornyback toad.
Oh, I’ve finally decided my future lies
beyond the yellow brick road!
Elton scores him lots of chicks. And haha, Bebe Hart grew up in the silly fur coat. Every time I see that thing it makes me feel hot. Sunset Valley is WAY too sunshiney for that sort of apparel.
Random de-uniformed maid: You should be wearing strappy custom clothing like moi!
Bebe: Hush, or my fur will EAT YOU.
Speaking of maids, Apple hired a winner.
"I’m cleaning with my mind powers."
Yeah, I’m doing the same thing right now.
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! Can’t… hold it… any… longer…"
What the…? Agnes, the bathroom is like four feet away!
"Maid… cleaning… it…"
I highly doubt that.
What in the world? You are the worst maid ever!
"Oh, this is not pleasant. I am so squishy."
"Looks like I’m all done here. That’ll be $125."
Agnes peed behind herself, lulz. Again I say, worst maid ever!
"Ugh, it reeks of old women and incontinence in here."
Shut up and go to your bench, you NPC hobo.
And this is the part of the chapter where I cry sad little tears. I went to the park to check on Moses, and this abandoned laptop of EVIL gave me the Blue Screen of Death. Twice. How, you ask? Well, when I was doing my "about to play the sims" routine (clear caches, back up files, disk cleanup, restart, play), my computer decided to perform a Windows Update without my permission. It updated something that caused TS3 to HATE me. Luckily, this has happened to me before, so I knew how to fix it. After a system restore, I was able to save the day. But it was scary and I needed serious cuddling from my husband when it was over.
When I finally got everything back up and running smoothly, I zoomed to the park again to find that Claire (Ursine) Steel had passed on from old age in the middle of everyone. Funny, considering she’s a loner.
"Why’s everyone so sad?"
"Psst, behind you."
"I killed her with my guitar playing. Sniffle."
"You totally did, man. You totally did. Not cool."
‘Tis true. She had been listening to him at the time.
As news of Claire’s death, as well as countless others around the same age as Agnes, came around, the woman began waiting patiently for her time to come. Her lifebar was pretty full. She longed for death so that she could be reunited with her Chadwick (who hasn’t been seen around in days), yet she wanted to continue to live to at least see the birth of her grandchildren.
One day, Moses came home from the park in a hurry. He quickly dialed a number.
"Elise, would you come over for a moment, please? We need to talk."
"Oh dear me, I’ve read enough romance novels to know that only bad things can come from my son telling his girlfriend they need to talk."
"What is it, son? Is everything okay?"
"No, mom. It isn’t. I have met so many wonderful people out there while playing my guitar. It makes me feel so free! I haven’t needed a bubble bath in weeks! It’s just made me realized how trapped I am in this life. I want to move out on my own, live my life to the fullest, possibly marry some chick who isn’t Elise, and finally be happy. I’m sorry mom, but I’m leaving. Goodbye yellow brick road."
"Elton John ROCKS, son."
"I will surely miss you, my baby boy, but if this is going to make you happy I am not going to stand in your way. My days of making sims’ lives miserable have been over since the day I met your father."
"I’ll miss you too, mommy!"
"I’m sorry, Elise, I’ve just got to be my own man for a while! Who knows, maybe Story Progression will get us back together someday!"
"HEARTBREAK! ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS HEARTBREAK!"
I don’t know what’s up with Agnes in this picture.
"Um, I need the bathroom!"
We already did the maid in the bathroom bit, Agnes!
"It’ll be okay, Elise, I promise. Let’s just hug and be friends, all right?"
"I hate you with every inch of my soul, Moses Creeper! I wish you were dead! I hope Story Progression KILLS YOU with fizzy sweets and cola like Leighton Sekemoto, and I hope if you don’t die, you marry someone really ugly and have monkey babies! And I hope that… I hope that…"
"Oh, Moses! Why?! WHY?! Why don’t the stairs match the railing anymore?! And why does my… jagged thought bubble keep cutting off your head no matter what angle we’re at?! Why are you leaving meeee?!"
"There, there, Elise. It’s time to stop crying now. I’m hungry and mommy made me foodz."
"It’s funny how I’m heiress and you get all the face time! Kidding, kidding. LIsten, Moses, I heard you’re leaving and I just came to say…"
"I love you, brother. And I really hope you find the happiness you’re looking for. Now get off my property, haha."
I move Moses across town into this little premade house from the bin. A few days later, I’m told he’s dating an elderfied Jamie Jolina. If that’s his idea of happiness, well… who are we to judge? I guess.
Gerald has finally aged up, so I send Apple to stalk him outside of the police station. He is one big guy, isn’t he?
"Don’t you be dissin’ mah man."
I didn’t say it was a bad thing!
After a few flirts, hand holding, massages, and embraces, Apple rolls the want to woohoo Gerald. Jeeze, why do they always roll these before the marriage ones? Anyway, it’s not happening until they’re married because… I don’t know. Just because.
"Will you marry me, honey bunz?"
"Yes, yes, and more yes!"
"Even though I can be a high maintenance witch with a b?"
"Kay! We’ll get married after I get my next promotion. Which is like… tomorrow, because I’m so awesome I get one every day."
Normally women starve themselves on their wedding days. Trying to gain weight to fit into your dress, Apple dear? Let’s hope it goes to your chest.
"Wedding must be perfect, omnomnom. That was really hurtful, by the way. I happen to sometimes be a nervous eater."
Ooh, Miss Perfectionist has a flaw. Let me point it out.
"He’ll be dazzled when he kisses THIS bride."
Yes, he will. He’d be more impressed with the fact that your speech doesn’t suffer while you’re brushing your teeth, I think.
"That’s just because you’re lacking the creativity needed to write teeth brushing dialogue right now."
Moses is the first guest to arrive to the wedding party. He goes straight to the fridge and grabs food.
"What? I’ve been craving stale birthday cake for weeks."
Yeah, that’s not the only stale thing you’ve been craving, you grave robber. I’m surprised you didn’t bring Jamie along.
"You’ll be happy to know that Jamie and I have decided to part ways."
Why? Because she DIED?
"Okaaaay, everyone! I’m in my dress and my hair is silly. Let’s get this wedding started."
I kind of miss the arch.
"Oh, weddings get me all flustered. I wonder who I’ll end up marrying."
Hopefully someone young, Moses.
"Your icon makes you look a lot thinner than you are, Gerald. Whussup with that?"
"I can work hard to become that thin if that’s what you want, my precious. I want to be the perfect man for you."
"I love you the way you are, Gerald. You ARE the perfect man for me. Even if you do have a tendency to be a little too nice, and shower with shorts on. No matter what, you’re the only man for me. Now let’s get married."
And so they did. By the way, I’ve forgotten to mention countless times (and now I remember) that the weird brown/reddish/brown hair the Creeper kids got is in fact from the Crumplebottom line. In another game of mine, Cornelia and Gunther had a little girl named Lara who had the exact same coloring.
"You are interrupting my nuptials."
"Hello, Mortimer. Having fun DESTROYING YOUR PERFECT MARRIAGE?!"
Never let a hopeless romantic hear that you’ve broken a woman’s heart. Unless, of course, that hopeless romantic is The Other Woman.
And with completely unintentional positioning, Apple and Gerald share their first kiss as husband and wife in front of Chad’s portrait. These two get all the luck with their placing for makeout sessions.
Portrait Chad: "Oooh yeeeeah!"
"Weddings make me ANGRY."
Why? Because you can’t stop flirting with your mother-in-law, thus making your wedding a SHAM?
"I am horribly misunderstood."
I really hope the best for Mort and Jet <3
"Weddings make me dreadfully sad."
That’s understandable :( But at least this wedding means you’ll be meeting your grandchildren soon!
"Speaking of grandchildren… What say you we get started on them now? Your mother doesn’t have much time left, after all."
Very clever, Gerald.
I haven’t had time to change the bedroom decor yet.
"Do you find it slightly odd that your parents used this bed to conceive you?"
That is your second helping of Stu Surprise, Mort.
"Stu Surprise makes me happy inside."
Well, okay then.
Gerald Creeper loves to be outside, preferably painting or playing the guitar. He’s a perfectionist, just like his dear wife, and doesn’t like being nekkid. He enjoys indie music, tri-tip steak, and the color grey. The very first thing he does after moving in (besides woohooing his wife) is break the cursed dishwasher.
Portrait Chad: "You’re doomed."
Is this legacy cursed? Will Agnes meet her grandchildren? Will Mort and Jet work things out? Oh, different legacy. Will… um… well, no more questions. Tune in next time! Thank you for reading and happy simming!